It has been a while since the last post/update
For good reason. Something happened that told me to ‘give it a rest’. It was many Christmas’s ago.
However, while I have seen similar things many times, (I have seen all the seasons) re-watching Survivor Season 40 episode 10 struck me differently this time.
Bad family, we are better off without. Good family – well, season after season these battle-hardened athletes fall apart after just 29ish days away from their loved ones. Some people have to endure 4380 days, or coming up to 12 years. May 2007 Madeline McCaan was lost. Unless there is a sick plot-twist (which they have been accussed of) they spent about those number of years not just missing their daughter, but fearing what she had to endure every minute of every day too. And battle various court & “public servant” idiots.
It’s not comparable to those Survivor contestants – ex Olympians, Marines and a wide range of carefully selected but atypically resliant cast members selected from millions of applicants through careful screening. Very tough people. They fall apart after 29ish days when it’s ‘the loved one’s visit’ … and their kids are safe at home & in a safe loving home. The McCanns experience is supremely more challenging. I know how it’s survivable, but it “is costly” ! ! !
I spent well over 16425 hours on a very very very painful “project”, and I gained what some may say is very very little. Compared to fairness, that is 100% correct, compared to the approximately 240 hours of joy I ‘won’, it is but a small percentage. Tiny. But compared to nothing, or the madness experienced under the previous terms, those few days over 4 years was everything to me.
And that’s why it’s all worth it.
If something doesn’t turn out as “it should”, there’s a reason. You might not like the reason. For years you may not even be able to see the reason. See it not or like not, it is there just the same.
Pass through responsibility, fault and blame ASAP – it’s natural, but not helpful. It’s not even real. Society loves it. Society sucks. It. Is. Not. Real. When I was 27ish, in a Bookshop in Reading, I got “the wizards fisrt rule” in which the Author wrote “most of what people believe to be true is not”. Nearly 30 years later, I see he was not exaggerating. Not one bit.
Worse, it is not the bad “event”, it is why you were there in the first place. Why those around you either pushed you there or failed to swoop in on an apache or huey & pull you out. What lead you at one time to think it was a good idea. That takes you back, where your earliest childhood memories are the mere starting place of the detective-work.
The repetition compulsion is a known fact. You, dear reader, will be doing it right now, unless you are a small percentage of the small percentage of practicing mental health professionals that have spent more time overcoming it than the larger of the numbers I gave above.
That’s why “It has been a while since the last post/update” and why “it’s all worth it”. Those kids on the beach aged 6-10 wrapped around their dads – priceless.
Lessons learnt? Too many to write.
Who to blame? Anyone you like, but you will be wrong 🙂 I found you, like I promised. I shouldn’t have had to!
When you go through similar things, there is just as much love around as there was in 2007. I have seen it in progress, based on the last interaction it will clearly have to reach a cresendo before you are forced to tackle it directly. Follow the breadcrumbs …
Acknowledgements to Jordan Peterson, Stefan Molyneux, Dr Ramani, Nadine Burke Harris, Ryan Holiday, Better Bachelor, John Rubino & the hundreds I visited beforehand that finally kicked the algorithms towards their content.
Forgiveness to the full cast of participants that knew the facts, but chose to let their prejudices and preferences or job security win over extreme cruelty and life-long impacts. I like to think that I would now let fate decide if I came across you after a hit-and-run. At least now I don’t dream of being the driver – and that is welcome progress.
Good times lead to weak men which lead to bad times which lead to strong men. Jab, jab, jab – PUNCH.